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charlie 05

Hi my name is vicki, 4 yrs ago I had a horse riding accident. From the moment I was made to stand and walk to ambulance I knew something was dreadful wrong the pain running down my leg was intense . Although I dragged myself to the ambulance I kept telling them at hospital I was numb in hip they xrays my hip said nothing g was broken and just bruised. Needing help to get to bathroom I kept looking for what I believed was going to be massive bruising but nothing ever showed up. I had other injuries from accident broken collarbone 6 ribs. Upon discharge my walking was getting worse. Returning to outpatient clinic unable to walk they decided maybe I suffered from a spinal injury. This went on for 18mths when a diagnosis was made I had

Gluteal aponeurotic and proximal It Band Tears And traumatic Spondylolisthesis L4-5 (the tears are very rare and the professor I saw believes the tears to be extensive as usually they would not show up on a mri).  The tears to the itband I was told was impossible unless you took to  it with a chainsaw, yet there I was with a diagnosis. So 2yrs after my accident I was told ‘unfortunately this is inoperable and more than likely a permanent injury that will deteriorate.

My symptoms are numbness from my hip to groin ( which got worse after physio treatment), inability to walk properly, feels like a tourniquet  wrapped around my thigh the more I try to drag myself around the more pain I get. incontinence  is also an issue from moment I was injured yet I didn’t understand it was a symptom thinking it was old age and pain. And my good leg is suffering from the way I drag myself around too now.

I’ve been living on painkillers for the last 4yrs as I try to be as normal as I can, still do as many normal things as possible work,horseride,gym most activities I feel like vomiting but I keep going.

I use crutches if I have to go to shops but they don’t help only make me faster. I’m in that much physical pain I break out in a lather of sweat just wanting to go home.  I have just qualified for ndis and have been given a wheelchair the more I use the chair the less pain I get. My body is silent I long and dream for that feeling. I am constantly fighting myself and don’t use the chair popping yet more pills feeling so fraudulent and well the   Old saying if you don’t use it you loose it. Being such a rare injury no one can tell me what to do I feel so alone. Using a wheelchair I feel like such a fraud. I watched a YouTube wheels to walking the gentleman explained how he could still walk but caused pain and used a wheelchair it felt like I wrote the script.
im after advise should I pop pills (if I can get them doctors are not keen prescribing )or use a chair? For some I’m sure it’s a nobrainer but I just don’t know what todo.

Then I have the problem if I use the chair how do I come out of the closet after 4 yrs people are not going to believe me.